Why I think vulnerability is important.

Because I know I have to, even when I know I am going to fail.  Because it doesn’t even matter if I fail.  Because I have to rip my chest open and spill my heart out at my feet.  And then I have to lie in that mess, naked on the floor.  I just have to.  Because I need this for myself more than I ever needed it for you.  To know which pieces of myself I need to move on, and to know which pieces only weigh me down.  It’s necessary to grow.  It’s necessary to figure out who the hell I am underneath the clutter and the fog and the pretty words with empty meanings.  Because I’d make myself sick if I didn’t.  Even though I made myself sick when I did.  Because sometimes, I forget where I put my thoughts before I gave them to you.  And sometimes I got lost in you.  Because I wear my faults and flaws on my sleeve, and maybe you won’t. Because I want to be a better person, and maybe you don’t.   Because I am always honest with myself, and maybe you aren’t.  But that’s okay.  Because nothing that’s worth it ever comes easy.  Because what separates the brave man from the coward is the ability to look at himself in the mirror with sincere eyes and an open soul, and genuinely want to be the best version of himself he can be.
Because I’ll never see my hidden heart until I’ve exhausted myself completely.  Until I’ve hit the bottom.  Until everything has gone dark.  Because I’m overly sensitive and I’m overly expressive, and no, I won’t apologize for it.  Because I’m tired of feeling numb all of the fucking time.  Because sometimes I don’t think straight.  And sometimes I don’t want to.  Because it makes my heart break and it makes my bones weak, but in the end, it reminds me that I am human. Because my heart told me so.  And the heart always wins.  Because I’m tired of running around in circles.  Because I wanted you to understand.  I wanted to save you.  I wanted to prove you wrong.  I wanted to teach you how to feel hope and faith and truth and love.  And I wanted you to listen.  But you can’t always get what you want.  In the end, the only regrets I have in life are for the things I was too afraid to do.  And so far, I don’t regret a single thing.  I never want to look back and realize that fear ruled and ruined my entire life.  Like it does to yours.
 
I hope you find it through this endless wandering.

(Source: jacvanek.com)

  1. aandthatsallshewrote reblogged this from jacvanek and added:
    Jac Vanek, you have done it again. You took the words right out of my mouth. Well said. You are a truly inspiring...
  2. likethedreamersdo reblogged this from beyourlifeline
  3. daaayd reblogged this from jacvanek
  4. ashleysugar reblogged this from jacvanek and added:
    this made me cry.
  5. beyourlifeline reblogged this from jacvanek
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  15. princessjuless reblogged this from jacvanek and added:
    this channels my thoughts perfectly.
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  25. takingover reblogged this from jacvanek and added:
    This is my entire life right now.
  26. madamejac reblogged this from jacvanek and added:
    wow.
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